Sunday, February 26, 2006

Being Angry at God...

This past week, after finding out about the Chch thing and the cancer thing etc. I wondered what I might come up with on google - if I typed in "angry at God". This is the page I got, and it interested me, and made me think ALOT about being angry. Is it okay to be angry, we are taught in our society not to show our anger, and in turn have bottled it up, only to explode when it all becomes too much...

This is what was written by Adam DeBaugh on the website google led me to:

"Too often I hear people talk guiltily about feeling anger toward God. More often than not, we get angry at God over things over which we have no control. If we don't control it, God must - someone has to be in control!

It may be a failed relationship. Or the death of a loved one. Or our cumulative grief over the on-going HIV/AIDS crisis. Or financial worries. Or any number of things about which we feel we have no control.

So we are angry. And since no one else seems to be available to be angry at, we get angry at God.

And we feel guilty. We feel we shouldn't get angry at God! We worry that God's feelings will be hurt. Or worse yet, God will return our anger - and we all know how much better at being angry God could be!


I say, Go ahead, be angry at God!

This isn't like the old saying about not teaching a pig to sing, because you won't succeed and it will only irritate the pig. Being angry at God may indeed have a salutary effect on your life. And I don't believe it will irritate God.

First of all, God already knows that we are angry - if not, then God isn't God. Being all-knowing, God is quite familiar with your anger, even before you are. Our anger will not come as a surprise to God.

Second, God knows the source of our anger. God knows the events and experiences that make us angry. God knows our emotions and feelings. God knows all about our situation. God might even share our anger!

Third, God knows why we are angry - the feelings of helplessness, fear, confusion, and dismay that lead to our anger. God intimately knows the inner workings of our minds and spirits, and God knows our limitations. We often are angry because we are powerless, and God knows our powerlessness.

Fourth, God can take it. Oh yes, our anger is so titanic that God will quail before us! Nonsense. God has faced greater anger than ours and survived! God's shoulders are broad and powerful - God can certainly deal with our puny anger. We do not run the risk of harming God with our anger.

So if God already knows about our anger, understands the source of our anger, discerns why we are angry, and can easily handle our anger, why are we reluctant or guilty about expressing our anger?

In fact, some times expressing our anger can be a good thing for us. It is good to vent a bit. Rather than keeping it all pent up inside us, some times just letting go and yelling our heads off can be a good thing. Too often we let our anger fester inside us, building up and growing until it seeks escape in destructive and violent ways. Let off some of that steam - go outside and yell at God. Sit in your room and tell God what you think. Pace your living room and give God a piece of your mind. Give God a good talking to! Read God's beads!

You just might feel better and God won't be any worse off - honest!

Then you can go about the business of seeing with a clearer mind if there might be some way for you to do something about the situation. Clear the air with God about your anger, and then sit down with God and try to figure something out. But it is often necessary to get that anger and fury out of the way first. Having done that, you can more calmly and dispassionately consider the problem about which you are angry and find ways to do something constructive about it.

So go ahead, be angry at God. God can take it. There won't be any retribution from God. And you might be able to do some clear and constructive thinking about what made you angry after venting your emotions."

It helped me to sort through all the thoughts I was feeling at the time - the lack of control etc.


in·ane (n-n)
adj. in·an·er, in·an·est
One that lacks sense or substance: interrupting with inane comments; angry with my inane roommate.

[Latin innis, empty, lacking sense.]

Today has been an inane day - lacking sense and substance, I have wandered through the day wondering what I am doing, where I am going and so on. Typically Sunday's are busy for me, but today has been the opposite of typical. Instead of church I stayed home, only going out to buy the stuff I need for "Mainly Music" tomorrow. I am on the team of volunteers, at our church, that helps organise this music and movement group. My area of responsibility being in charge of morning tea.

One of my daughters has been at a sleepover since last night, and the other two have played happily in their room for most of today - yes a strange day indeed in our household. No fights amongst them...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

to do lists & cleaning

I need to start writing a couple of to-do-lists before things get totally out of hand around here. My washing needs folding, and I need to organise my children to help me with housework a little more. I need to get some photo-copying done for "home-school" work, and the cleaner is coming over this afternoon to vacuum etc. I have been blessed to have her really, life is just so hectic. I have three daughters, and the middle one has an autistic spectrum disorder, which qualifies us to have someone in to clean for 2 hours every week. YAY! What would I do without her? To be very honest I HATE with a vengeance vacuuming, it is the bane of my life.

an answer

"Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Travel steadily along His path. He will honour you, giving you the land..."

I have a tendency to be impatient, I want things to happen when I want them to happen. It makes me appear controlling, because I really can't stand the feeling of being out-of-control. Like the Christchurch thing, I just want to "know" what is going to happen, like NOW! But I am learning through experience, that it's better to just let the desire go, and just allow what will happen to happen. Be at peace about it. :)

Monday, February 20, 2006


I typed into google, this question: "should I move to Christchurch?" and I got a page telling me the weather in Christchurch - what does this mean? The weather is GREAT there, but...

Oh well... My hubby has been told he can't transfer there with his job, so it will be lots of job applications etc. and then the big question...


Sunday, February 19, 2006

so i was thinking...

"mutant" thought's yesterday, and it came to me that an "alien" isn't much different from a mutant, both are fairly undesirable in our society. Yet, as a christian I feel very much an alien (stranger) in my own land. I look at the world through different lenses, and understanding. It sometimes scares me, because I often feel as if I don't speak the local language, or understand local customs.

My allegiance will always lay with God and not with myself or others, and I want to follow His will for my life, not my own agenda.

So there it is, not only am I a "mutant", but I am also an "alien" in my own land.


a·li·en (l-n, lyn)
  1. Owing political allegiance to another country or government; foreign: alien residents.
  2. Belonging to, characteristic of, or constituting another and very different place, society, or person; strange.
  3. Dissimilar, inconsistent, or opposed, as in nature: emotions alien to her temperament.
  1. An unnaturalized foreign resident of a country. Also called noncitizen.
  2. A person from another and very different family, people, or place.
  3. A person who is not included in a group; an outsider.
  4. A creature from outer space: science fiction about an invasion of aliens.
  5. Ecology. An organism, especially a plant or animal, that occurs in or is naturalized in a region to which it is not native.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


I love the english language (not sure if it's the same in other languages), but one word can mean many things. For example, mutant, it means a couple of things to me. It means cells gone crazy - mutating like mad in your body (cancer), but it's possible it means something spiritual too. No, I haven't gone crazy, yet more and more I am beginning to understand a sense of change in the way I view the world.

The world doesn't end when I die. When my body dies - the world will go on. I believe death will enable me to be closer to my maker. I will let go of these earthly things that hold me back and be transformed (mutated, even) to a soul/spiritual being. My inner-core, who I am in my depths will be left. Mutating cell's and bad genetics won't matter then.

These thought's could, on the surface, appear morbid. I won't apologise for that. My mother found out this week that she may have passed on a genetic mutation to my sisters and I, then I in turn may have passed that on to my girls - it goes on and on... When she told me, I felt numb. I mean, I knew we had this huge legacy of cancer in the family, but, like the ostrich with the head placed firmly in the sand I wanted to believe that if I didn't think about it - it wasn't true.

This is my journey...


mu·tant (mytnt)
An organism possessing one or more genes that have undergone mutation.

the beginning...

of a blog, of my blog. As far as beginnings go, this one is fairly harmless and somewhat lack-lustre, especially since I am now off to watch a dvd with my exceptionally sexy half-mutant husband ;). Thumbs up to him for helping to create this expression of individualism!

long live creativity (& mutant-hood!)