Purple Hair?!?

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional. You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

After looking at Liz's blog - I decided to see what my own funky hair colour should be, and guess what - it's PURPLE of all things! My daughter Aimee would LURVE me if it was truelly my hair colour, it's her favourite colour!!

"new" school room

It's been a week and a half since I last blogged - I sometimes feel like this is a confessional - "Blogger, it's been 10 days since my last confession..." :)

Anywho - We have been busy bee's here, sorting out the school room and doing school work. Jonathan's work have just replaced all of their old office equipment (desks, filing cabinets etc.) and so we have just acquired 2 desks, and 2 filing cabinets for our school. :) I was very excited to be able to set it all up, and also amazed at how productive it has enabled the girls to be with their work. They used to share a trestle table, but now they have a lot more space. It has helped them to concentrate on their individual work. YAY!

We have also been trialing a super-nanny technique - a token system. We bought a jar and 3 different colours of marbles. Basically the girls can earn or lose marbles depending on their attitude's, behaviour, etc. It seems to be working thus far, and we are trying to make it a positive affair - with special family outings on Saturday's if enough marbles are gained. Last week Aimee got the most, and we went out for lunch with Nanny & Grampy (Jonathan's parents). I actually think the whole thing is weighted in Aimee's favour - because she is not home during the day to lose any marbles. :)

The Un-forgiveness Stone

Melissa used stones to illustrate what un-forgiveness is like in our lives in last night’s message at Cession. Sorry Melissa, but I kinda stole one of them out of the basket – I wasn’t quite ready to let the un-forgiveness go yet…

It is like carrying a lot of stones (& possibly rocks) around in a basket. The longer you carry them, the heavier they seem to be. The more it affects who you are. You feel weighed down by them…

I have been thinking on how un-forgiveness rates in my life. How would my life stack up in regard to this? In some ways I have learnt to forgive, yet just when I think it’s all done, somebody else comes along – and I have to do it all over again… and then what about those things that have been done to me that are “truly un-forgivable”, if there is such a thing. In God’s eyes I am not sure there is anything that is that “bad”, yet in my own – it is questionable. I don’t like to think that I hold grudges. But there are instances, for example when my parents fell short of the mark, that are difficult to forgive. They shaped who I am, the part that finds it hard to believe that anyone truly cares about me, and I find it hard to forgive that! I am struggling with letting go of this stone that I am carrying, that I have carried for years really. I want to let it go; yet there is some security (false as it may be) in having it close. I am sheltered from the fear being hurt, when I expect to be hurt.

My thoughts on forgiveness are “that if you manage to forgive – it is a process, not just a single act”. Although, I have on occasion managed to forgive once and forever on some things, when the person that hurt you is close to you (say, your parents, close friend, sibling etc.) it can take longer. It becomes almost a daily thing, choosing to forgive over wallowing in the self-pity of it all.

I am not a poet but here is something I wrote whilst pondering this stone…

The Un-forgiveness Stone

this stone is comfortable
years of carrying it
hard, yet easy – familiar

I want to let it go
go to the cross
but I am scared of the loss

I am scared of who I will be
when this ugly thing is gone

it is like a rotten apple
consuming everything around it
making everything rotten

and it hurts, did I say that before
it is sharp, mean, and need I say it un-forgiving
tortuous even

let it go…
leave it in His capable hands
revenge is not mine

forgiveness is His release
weightless, free to move
to run, to play, to frolic

at peace…
thank You

Well done, Hope!

Hope was recognised for the help she is to our local Mainly Music group today… She was given a $25 warehouse voucher! WOW! Well done, Hope…

Word of the Day for Sunday July 16, 2006

yes, I love words... and this one was rather appropriate today (monday) as two of my good friends had a very weird little disagreement. I don't know where it came from, and I wish it had never happened, but it did - it was confusing and I don't wish to go into details here...

This word encompasses it all, and was yesterday's word of the day:-
imbroglio \im-BROHL-yoh\, noun:

1. A complicated and embarrassing state of things.
2. A confused or complicated disagreement or misunderstanding.
3. An intricate, complicated plot, as of a drama or work of fiction.
4. A confused mass; a tangle.

Desex and the City...

On Sunday, we took our 4 cats (yes that's right - we have FOUR of them!) to the SPCA to get de-sexed. They had a special price - $20 each, which if you have ever looked into doing this, you will be as surprised and grateful as we were, especially when you have 4 cat's to get done.

Our 4 cats comprise of Cuddles(f), Robson (f), Maisy (f) and Eli (m). The male, Eli, was the easiest, as males sometimes are... ;) Cuddles and Maisy coped okay too, but Robson was a little more shaken post-op. Also, even though most information on de-sexing says they don't have personality changes, she is now a different cat. She looks the same, but is so much friendlier. She spent the whole of Tuesday evening sitting on my lap, which in the whole of her 2 years, she has never done before. We used to call her the "aspie-cat", because she was very much like Aimee in personality - doesn't like change, or seem to understand social interaction... I hope that the changes last - because I love a good cuddle. :)

Live lyrics for Jonathan

"Pillar Of Davidson"

warm bodies, I sense
are not machines that can only make money
past, perfect, tense
words for a feeling and all I've discovered
I'll be along son with medicine supposed to,
designed to make you high
I'll be along son
with words for a feeling and all I've discovered
old, bad eyes
old, bad eyes
old, bad eyes

on loneliness comes
go see the foreman, go see the profiteer
on loneliness drives
we're takin' our time movin' shit for this holy slime

old, bad eyes
old, bad eyes
old, bad eyes, almighty fear

the shepherd won't leave me alone
he's in my face and I
the shepherd of my days
and I want you here by my heart and my head,
I can't start till I'm dead

[Background Lyrics:]
here I am locking horns with the stallion
failing to hold my head up, I'll go back again
pillar of davidson feeling to hard to go down
cheaper than all the souls he will walk upon
deeper and deeper in love so I hold my head up
cheaper than all the souls he will walk upon
pillar of davidson feeling to hard to go down

my worldview - thanks Jonathan

I scored as Cultural Creative.

Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative		69%
Postmodernist		56%
Fundamentalist		44%
Romanticist		44%
Modernist		31%
Idealist		25%
Materialist		19%
Existentialist		6%

So I am a cultural creative... interesting, at least I'm not an existentialist or a materialist... ;) If you want to complete this quiz yourself go to http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320

the beauty of gray - live

if I told you he was your brother
we could reminisce
then you would go about your day
if I said you ought to give him
some of your water
you'd shake your canteen and walk away
the perception that divides you from him
is a lie
for some reason you never asked why
this is not a black and white world
you can't afford to believe in your side
this is not a black and white world
to be alive
I say that the colors must swirl
and I believe
that maybe today
we will all get to appreciate
the beauty of gray
if I told you that she was your mother
we could analyze the situation and be gone
if I said you ought to give her
some of your water
your eyes would light up like the dawn
the perception that divides you from her
is a lie
for some reason you never asked why
this is not a black and white world
you can't afford to believe in your side
this is not a black and white world
to be alive
I say the colors must swirl
and I believe
that maybe today
we will all get to appreciate
the beauty of gray
look into your eyes
no daylight new day now

this is one of my all-time favourite songs...
there is no black
there is no white
things are never as simple as that

update on rabbit situation...

Well, some changes here. Cookie, the little lop-eared rabbit, proved to be a p.i.t.a. and so Jonathan dropped him off at the local S.P.C.A. Bless their souls...

We decided to keep "Grey Rabbit" because he has such a sweet personality. He is just too gorgeous! Love him to bits!!

The naming poll proved to be a little out of control, and since I didn't really like most of the names there - sorry those of you who supplied them, but none of them really fit the rabbit - we will be calling him Grey Rabbit. It's simple enough and Hope agreed it was a cool name, since she has a book about a rabbit with the same name "Little Grey Rabbit". :) I do hope that he will forgive us for naming him after a girl rabbit...

koyaanisqatsi - post 2

Thursday, October 14, 2004

OT Assessment

Today has been one of those busy kinda days, the kind that make you exhausted just thinking about all you had to do. Not that it takes much for me to feel that way.

I prefer the simple life, to be honest, not that that ever happens around here!

The day started off really grandly, with a family hug in bed... To me this is the BEST way to be woken up in the morning - three kid's jumping into bed to give ME a morning hug!!! My kid's are the BEST. But then, I looked at the clock and baulked when I read 8:16am - EEEEEK! I had less than 30 minutes to organise everyone into having breakfast, getting dressed, and then off to various places. "B" needed to be at preschool , and "A" had an OT assessment (OT - Occupational Therapy) at 8.45am. My wonderful husband solved the needing to be at 2 places at once by dropping "B" off at preschool, and "H" and "A" and I all went off to school.

Somehow I managed to, once again, get out of the door on time! This is no mean feat, when you think that I have to dress 3 of us. "B" can dress herself, she is after all 4, but I am fearful of what she might end up wearing, and "A" has a lot of difficulties with her fine motor skills (blame it on the Aspergers Syndrome) so here I am every morning dressing 3 of us.

I really enjoyed sitting in on the OT Assessment. It's nice to know that my worries about "A" were founded, not that I wanted her to be "ab-normal" but I had known that she needed help, and it's great that she will be getting that help now. I know that this help would not be available to us if she was still being homeschooled - and knowing this helps me to feel better about our decision to put her into school.

The OT guy said that "A" needs help with her eye-hand co-ordination and with the tremor's in her hand's when she write's or uses fine motor skills. Through the assessment I discovered that Tommee Tippee make these really cool junior training cutlery (this afternoon I bought some for Aimee!) that has indentations for kid's fingers so they learn to use the cutlery properly - yay, I see the end to food all over the table... The physiotherapist is going to work with "A's" gross motor skills, things like ball throwing/catching, hopping, jumping, star-jumps etc. I am just so STOKED that she will be getting help - can you tell?!?

She still needs speech therapy assessment and a couple of other assessments to be done, but these should all be done before November 5th. The date for everyone to work on her IEP. Interesting that it's all going ahead on "Guy Fawkes Day" - should I blow up the school if it doesn't go the way I think it should?!? ;)

I can finally breathe now that things are falling into place for our sweet girl...

Dee

4 Comments:

Princess Annie said...

Hi there - just typed in the movie 'Cypher' and saw that like me you were in the Education industry (home-schooling? :) ) and that you might be a Christian? (Ted Dekker book).

I also live in NZ, 25 and married and am a teacher. I taught a Russian girl with Asperger's Spanish, it was a very beautiful, challenging and rewarding experience. Once I found one of the keys to how she learnt, she was almost a genius!

We have three guinea pigs and one rat!

I haven't read all of your post but I will.

Lovely to "meet" you :)


ANna :)

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koyaanisqatsi - post 1

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

In the beginning...

A life out of balance(the story of my life)

Well... I have always wondered about blogging and so here is my contribution to blogdom!

I am a mum to 3 wonderful daughters, each of them very special and unique. I am also wife to a really great guy (Jonathan if you're out there, this butt kiss is for you ;) hehehe!). These exceptionally wonderful people keep my life very full (and also very out of balance). Being out of balance is the story of my life - KOYAANISQATSI! It just makes life more interesting to live life this way...

Anyway, back to my fantastically great kids (do I sound biased here?). My eldest sprog, is 8, and is academically gifted. We are currently homeschooling her, because the local school weren't interested in motivating her to reach her potential. I am really enjoying the role I play in her education, and at times it appears that she is teaching me more than I am teaching her... (a life out of balance) I was especially glad when she regained her love of learning that was lost when she spent the year in public school. A friend of mine mentioned recently that she was impressed with the great relationship my daughter and I have - I of course glowed with joy and pride. It really is not hard to love "H".

My middle daughter, aged 6, is the best thing that ever happened to me. My relationship with her hasn't been the easiest to form, but then the best, most valuable things in life are those that are hard fought for! "A" has Aspergers Syndrome, which was only recently diagnosed. Diagnosis has brought alot of peace to me. I had always wondered if it was my fault that she behaved the way she did. In fact, I had alot of guilt surrounding my feelings towards her. Aimee is, to me, an enigma. She can and is one of the most loving children I have ever met, and yet...

I am sure in the coming weeks, months, I will blog more about this sweet child as we move forward on our path towards the future. Our intention was to homeschool her, as we do "H", but when "A" was diagnosed, we decided to check out what other options were open for her. It turned out that we have an excellent school right next door to us! She has been attending their "nurture class" since the end of July and is really enjoying it there. After all the frustration of homeschooling her (and there was LOTS of frustration on both of our parts!) I am now able to enjoy the time I have with her.

One thing I have learned from this is that just as my children are individuals, their education should be also - What a revelation this was to me!

My youngest daughter, 4, is our miracle child. After almost dying at birth, she had a punctured lung and both lungs collapsed, she survived to be the neat little girl she is today. She is strong-willed, of which I am actually glad, because it's one of the qualities of survivor's! "B" loves going to preschool, girly things, pink, shoes, shopping and talking... Thank God I actually got one "frilly" girl huh! :) At the current moment, we are moving towards homeschooling her.

My life at the moment is all about my kids, but I wouldn't give that up for anything. The pure joy of seeing them "get" something for the first time, knowing that "I" taught them that... Seeing how well they relate to each other etc...

My house may not be the tidyest on the street, but my kids are happy!

Anyway, that's it for my first blog. We will just have to wait and see if I ever get around to doing this again ;)

Dee

posted by hunnybumblenz @ 12:40 PM

koyaanisqatsi

Ever wondered if your blog will exist years from today? Well, I just had an interesting experience. My first foray into blogging began in October, 2004 with a little blog called koyaanisqatsi. Very simply koyaanisqatsi means "a life out of balance". Which could still be considered a very true statement about myself... My foray into blogdom was very shortlived - with only two posts, sound familiar to anyone else you might know?

I can't remember the password to my koyaanisqatsi blog, so it will never increase in size, yet it will remain immortalised on the web, virtually unseen and unread. I am going to re-post the two posts here, so that I can access them easier for myself. You are welcome to look at them at the old blog or here. :)

letter from a friend

I recieved some really cool encouragement via a letter from a friend, Mel, today. She is the leader of our Mainly Music team, and does a fantastic job at it.

I thought I would write some excerpts from the letter here, so that I can always remember. :) It's nice to be encouraged.

"Thank you so much for all your hard work you put into music. Sometimes you may feel it goes unnoticed but I assure you it doesn't. I have such confidence in your abilities in the kitchen that I never worry that it won't get done or done properly...God sees your heart and knows the love you have to offer is endless. You are such a great mother who is instilling awesome Godly morals into your childrens lives. God will honour you for the time and effort you put into them. I know sometimes we as mum feel we have nothing to give outside of our obligations to family but he has so much in store for you, which is exciting! He is an awesome God who will carry you and fill you up whenever you may need it. God will never let you be shaken or moved from your place near his heart."

:) It was moving to recieve this note. I sometimes wonder if I am noticed, even though I don't always like it when I am, it's nice to be appreciated.

the truth

I feel like an onion (yes, like Shrek). I have many layers, and I wonder who I will be when some of these old nasty un-usable layers are removed. I am scared at the prospect of being naked (not literally! - please) before my friends. Stripped bare - without my past hurts for comfort. What will I talk about? Who am I underneath these layers that hide my true self? Will anyone care to know me? Will I be interesting enough, without the pain??

Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed.

How can I face the day? Face myself? Face the children? Face the world?

I feel stripped bare, empty, ready to be filled, but empty all the same

I want to give, but I cannot

I have no reserves, I am going to drown here

Slipping into the deep, deep water

I don’t want to feel the pain anymore

I want to be free of it all

I want to live my life free, without fear

Fear sucks – it stops me from moving, it strangles the very soul

The fear makes me feel like I am moving through thick sticky mud, or maybe golden syrup or treacle. It sticks to every part of my body and I am struggling for air. I cannot move without tripping, and it is hard to get back up when I fall. I want to feel clean.

Make me clean, dear Lord, wash me clean. I no longer want to be constricted by the muck.

Amen.

the tangled web

So I've got a lot going on in my head at the moment...

Not a lot of it going onto my blog - unfortunately, or is that fortunately, I would hate to bore everyone with the workings of my mind! Still since, you, if you are reading my blog that is, are not held captive to it [you can leave if you want] I may just write a portion of these workings now. I have time - the hubby is out playing war games again...

I have been thinking a lot about a post Frank made a couple of days ago. It has really challenged me to re-think the way that I process hurt. In other words - it challenged me to lose the elephantine memory of past hurts - to let the pain go, instead of holding on to the memory of it, as if my life depended on it. What sort of freedom would that give to me? I thought I was great at forgiving others, how wrong I feel about that now. It also challenged me to quit blabbing about past hurt, especially when I need to let it go. Like when I constantly re-hash the old stuff with people. Negativity can be infectious, and it is a poor bed-fellow. So that's somewhat where I am with that...

I haven't even gotten to chapter 2 in the book Cha-zown, but I am happy God hasn't finished working with me. I hear his voice (not literally, although, God if you're reading this - I wouldn't mind) in the words of His Book, his people, nature. It is everywhere if you are open to hearing it.

He cares about us, even little old me, mum to 3 precious girls. I sometimes (lets face it, nearly always) feel inadequate to do the job of raising them, but they are turning out well inspite of "ME". It is not always easy to parent them, to know how to respond to their individual needs, but I am willing to learn. The hardest part is letting go of perfection, or at least the facade or the mirage of perfection. That is what it is - a mirage, unattainable by mere humankind. So I am learning to let-go. I once heard a quote, "Let go and let God", and whilst I believe it's important to do that, I still think we have a huge role to play in that. It doesn't mean we totally give up, I think it means we should allow God to help us. For me, a self-confessed perfectionist, the kind who "would rather not do it, if I can't do it well", I am learning more about "not giving up, but giving-in" to recieving help from God.

I hope that some of the above makes sense - my disclaimer is that my mind is a tangled web (see last post) and that it is 10pm, and I am typing this with only the glow of the screen to light the keyboard. Reason being, my youngest daughter is sick with a chest infection and is asleep on the couch beside me. Sleep is the best medicine sometimes, and I don't want to wake her.

the lolly blog

forgive my shameless promotion of my sweet daughter's new blog. Yes, Aimee has succumbed to the blog bug...

If you haven't seen it yet - click on the pic to be taken to her blog. Named after her favourite thing in the world - I swear this girl dreams about lollies, every story she writes has them included, every drawing produced, every creation created... It's a running theme.