the tangled web

So I've got a lot going on in my head at the moment...

Not a lot of it going onto my blog - unfortunately, or is that fortunately, I would hate to bore everyone with the workings of my mind! Still since, you, if you are reading my blog that is, are not held captive to it [you can leave if you want] I may just write a portion of these workings now. I have time - the hubby is out playing war games again...

I have been thinking a lot about a post Frank made a couple of days ago. It has really challenged me to re-think the way that I process hurt. In other words - it challenged me to lose the elephantine memory of past hurts - to let the pain go, instead of holding on to the memory of it, as if my life depended on it. What sort of freedom would that give to me? I thought I was great at forgiving others, how wrong I feel about that now. It also challenged me to quit blabbing about past hurt, especially when I need to let it go. Like when I constantly re-hash the old stuff with people. Negativity can be infectious, and it is a poor bed-fellow. So that's somewhat where I am with that...

I haven't even gotten to chapter 2 in the book Cha-zown, but I am happy God hasn't finished working with me. I hear his voice (not literally, although, God if you're reading this - I wouldn't mind) in the words of His Book, his people, nature. It is everywhere if you are open to hearing it.

He cares about us, even little old me, mum to 3 precious girls. I sometimes (lets face it, nearly always) feel inadequate to do the job of raising them, but they are turning out well inspite of "ME". It is not always easy to parent them, to know how to respond to their individual needs, but I am willing to learn. The hardest part is letting go of perfection, or at least the facade or the mirage of perfection. That is what it is - a mirage, unattainable by mere humankind. So I am learning to let-go. I once heard a quote, "Let go and let God", and whilst I believe it's important to do that, I still think we have a huge role to play in that. It doesn't mean we totally give up, I think it means we should allow God to help us. For me, a self-confessed perfectionist, the kind who "would rather not do it, if I can't do it well", I am learning more about "not giving up, but giving-in" to recieving help from God.

I hope that some of the above makes sense - my disclaimer is that my mind is a tangled web (see last post) and that it is 10pm, and I am typing this with only the glow of the screen to light the keyboard. Reason being, my youngest daughter is sick with a chest infection and is asleep on the couch beside me. Sleep is the best medicine sometimes, and I don't want to wake her.