The Un-forgiveness Stone

Melissa used stones to illustrate what un-forgiveness is like in our lives in last night’s message at Cession. Sorry Melissa, but I kinda stole one of them out of the basket – I wasn’t quite ready to let the un-forgiveness go yet…

It is like carrying a lot of stones (& possibly rocks) around in a basket. The longer you carry them, the heavier they seem to be. The more it affects who you are. You feel weighed down by them…

I have been thinking on how un-forgiveness rates in my life. How would my life stack up in regard to this? In some ways I have learnt to forgive, yet just when I think it’s all done, somebody else comes along – and I have to do it all over again… and then what about those things that have been done to me that are “truly un-forgivable”, if there is such a thing. In God’s eyes I am not sure there is anything that is that “bad”, yet in my own – it is questionable. I don’t like to think that I hold grudges. But there are instances, for example when my parents fell short of the mark, that are difficult to forgive. They shaped who I am, the part that finds it hard to believe that anyone truly cares about me, and I find it hard to forgive that! I am struggling with letting go of this stone that I am carrying, that I have carried for years really. I want to let it go; yet there is some security (false as it may be) in having it close. I am sheltered from the fear being hurt, when I expect to be hurt.

My thoughts on forgiveness are “that if you manage to forgive – it is a process, not just a single act”. Although, I have on occasion managed to forgive once and forever on some things, when the person that hurt you is close to you (say, your parents, close friend, sibling etc.) it can take longer. It becomes almost a daily thing, choosing to forgive over wallowing in the self-pity of it all.

I am not a poet but here is something I wrote whilst pondering this stone…

The Un-forgiveness Stone

this stone is comfortable
years of carrying it
hard, yet easy – familiar

I want to let it go
go to the cross
but I am scared of the loss

I am scared of who I will be
when this ugly thing is gone

it is like a rotten apple
consuming everything around it
making everything rotten

and it hurts, did I say that before
it is sharp, mean, and need I say it un-forgiving
tortuous even

let it go…
leave it in His capable hands
revenge is not mine

forgiveness is His release
weightless, free to move
to run, to play, to frolic

at peace…
thank You